The Curse of M.A.U.M (pronounced Mom)

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Barnard College Graduates

Motivated and Ambitious, yet Un-Married…..

Let’s just say my husband has a great $100,000 a year job. We have a $500,000 house with a mortgage of about $2500, we have his $50,000 Mercedes in the driveway and my $75,000 Range in the garage. Oh by the way these aren’t paid off. We have lawn service for our white picketed fenced in yard, vet bills for our Yorkie and Rottweiler, after school services and tutoring services.. But you want my only contribution to serve as taking care of the kids and the house… Right? Wrong! What happens if you lose this $100,000 job? So we’re just going to sit and look at each other as we go to the unemployment line, huh? All because you’re intimidating of me getting an education and becoming a successful career woman.

“I can go to school. I can be successful. I can make money. I can have a career. That is in my power to control,” says Towan Isom, 39, who owns a public relations firm in the District. “Finding a husband — that would be great, but that’s not in my power to control.” (Washington Post)

Aside: Towan Isom is the Founder and President of Spiritually Speak, and President and CEO of Isom Global Strategies. She left her job as Associate Marketing Director at PBS to pursue her own entrepreneurial paths. A True Inspiration! Here are her websites. You should definitely research her; she’s super accomplished and is from the MD area (Morgan State University Undergraduate of Marketing).

“In our upbringing, we’re not raised to be princesses,” says Virginia Boateng, a budget analyst who works for the Education Department. “We’re told, ‘Yes, you are pretty, but you better have something for yourself.’ ” (Washington Post)

Similarly to Virginia’s comment in the Washington Post, I too grew up with an upbringing that you do for yourself, because no one else will. Honestly, now that I look back I never really remember a lesson about men and marriage. I was expected to go to college, graduate, get an advanced degree and obtain a successful career. I on that path, but let’s move on..

Throughout college, I have been surrounded with a variety of people: the motivated people, people that just get by and people looking to find themselves. Of all the men, I have encountered (friends or dating) I have noticed that the drive and motivation can be unmatched sometimes. I hear it every time.. “You are so ambitious” “You are so busy” “I love your drive” and the list goes on. I want to say half of these men I can honestly equate my drive and ambition to, the other half not so much. I am not sure if it’s because I look at my drive and success and automatically expect them to be at a place where I am. I guess it doesn’t work that way since it’s proven that men mature slower than females. So what can I expect from my partner?

Let’s go back.. I said those comments about what guys tell me about my ambition, it is usually followed with “I don’t know if I can keep up”, “I am not trying to do all that, I just want a job” “So I guess you’re not looking to be married, huh?” Wait what?

I want someone that can inspire our kids to do more and want more. If that person is an entrepreneur or has a PHD so be it. Of course, I am very young and won’t be thinking about marriage for years, but I think it’s mind boggling to think that men will not appreciate my education and status within my career field.

It honestly now all makes sense. I recently earned a position, which is pretty standout. My mentors tell me not to mention my position at all to people I meet especially guys. They say that men will be intimidated by it and may shut you down for it.

It’s so different in my world, I have a strong group of female friends and we all support each other’s ambitions, goals and dreams. My good friend just finished her Masters’ and has a GREAT job to be all of 23.

I don’t want to have to settle, that is not in my nature. I worked hard for my education and will work hard in my career; I plan to do the same with my marriage. I just hope I find someone that really appreciates my hard work and motivation and doesn’t think that their position as a man is in jeopardy.

Smart men marry smart women right? So what is the real issue? Any thoughts?

Jasmine Ay

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2 thoughts on “The Curse of M.A.U.M (pronounced Mom)

  1. The real issue is men are taught to just work. they are not taught a real ambition or drive. Conversely women are work ethic because it takes more than just a job for us to truly succeed. with all that factored in by the time were adults women know how to balance providing in the home as well as a career while men are stuck feeling inadequate because the woman works as well. Traditionalism is still very real in terms of expected roles for the household. men are slower to mature indeed, in life, and to the idea of women being more than previously expected.

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    • This is great! I totally agree. It makes so much sense now. But straight from the womb, boys are expected to work and prove themselves as a man. They then grow up continuing to work with no other responsibilities. I think in comparison to women they must feel a sense of inferiority, because women are expected to do so much because that’s just how it is. Too often, I feel like women dumb themselves down, because they feel like a man will not appreciate their accomplishments. I’ve seen it, a woman with plenty of advanced degrees, a great job, and financial Independence give it all away because their man feels like they need to be empowered by taking it all away from her.. FOOLISH

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